One of the things that shocked me most after returning to society was not the technology. It was not the smartphones, social media, or the physical changes that had occurred while I was away. What struck me most was the way people treated one another.
When I went away in 2015, the world was already fast, loud, and often impatient. People could be rude. People could be selfish. Society certainly had its problems. Yet when I returned ten years later, I found myself stunned by what appeared to be a dramatic increase in hostility, disrespect, impulsiveness, hypocrisy, selfishness, and simple disregard for others.
I noticed it almost immediately. I saw it in Phoenix after my release. I saw it in airports, at gas stations, on the roads, in stores, and eventually here in Washington as well. I see it at work. I see it in everyday interactions between complete strangers. People seem quicker to anger, less willing to extend patience, and less inclined to give one another the benefit of the doubt. Everyone appears to be carrying an enormous amount of frustration, yet very few seem to know what to do with it.
At first, I found this deeply discouraging. The more I observed it, however, the more I began noticing something else. I began noticing how strongly people responded to even the smallest acts of kindness. A genuine smile, a moment of patience, a compliment, a door held open, or a few encouraging words often seemed to have an impact far greater than the gesture itself would suggest.
It was as though people had become so accustomed to hostility that basic kindness had become unexpected.
The more I reflected on this, the more I found myself returning to a simple question: what happened to the things we teach our children?
Be nice.
Don’t steal.
Don’t hit people.
Tell the truth.
Treat others the way you would like to be treated.
Most of us learn these lessons before we are ten years old. Yet somewhere along the way many adults seem to abandon them. We become consumed by our frustrations, our ambitions, our insecurities, our grudges, our politics, and our need to protect our own egos. In the process, we often forget some of the simplest principles that make life better for everyone around us.
For me, compassion and kindness are not optional personality traits. They are foundational values. If peace, dignity, and integrity are to become genuine parts of a person’s life, then kindness must become part of the footprint they leave behind.
When I speak about kindness, I am not referring to grand gestures. In fact, I have come to believe that the purest acts of kindness are often the smallest and the quietest. They are performed without expectation of recognition, repayment, praise, or credit. They are done simply because another human being could benefit from them.
Kindness can take countless forms. It may be leaving a few extra dollars at a drive-thru window for the next family. It may be handing a cigarette to someone who is visibly distressed. It may be helping an elderly neighbor move a trash can they are too frail to move themselves. It may be cleaning litter from a roadside, holding a door, offering patience when impatience would be easier, or simply taking a few minutes to genuinely listen when someone is hurting.
Most people do not expect you to solve their problems. Most are not asking for a miracle. More often than not, they simply want to feel seen, heard, acknowledged, and respected. In a society that increasingly feels rushed and disconnected, those simple human needs are often neglected despite costing almost nothing to provide.
What continues to amaze me is how little many of these acts require. A few minutes of time. A brief moment of attention. A small inconvenience. Occasionally a few dollars. Yet the impact can be profound. I have watched people’s entire demeanor change because someone treated them with unexpected kindness. Not because the gesture was large, but because it was sincere.
This is why I believe the most important obstacle to kindness is rarely time, money, or effort. The greatest obstacle is often our own ego. Human beings naturally gravitate toward recognition, reciprocity, and personal benefit. We enjoy being acknowledged for our good deeds. We like being thanked. We like feeling appreciated.
Genuine kindness often requires setting those desires aside.
There is something uniquely beautiful about performing an act of kindness that nobody else ever knows about. No applause follows. No reward arrives. No recognition is given. Yet the act retains its value precisely because it was performed for the benefit of another person rather than for the benefit of ourselves.
I have become increasingly convinced that many of society’s larger problems are built upon the abandonment of these small principles. The solution is not always complicated. Sometimes it begins with treating another person with dignity. Sometimes it begins with choosing patience instead of frustration. Sometimes it begins with listening rather than speaking.
Most of the things that make society better are not complicated. We already know them. We teach them to children every day.
The challenge is remembering to live by them ourselves.
If I am remembered for anything, I hope I am remembered not only for what I believed or what I built, but also for how I treated people. Ideas matter. Accomplishments matter. Theories matter. But kindness matters too.
Perhaps now more than ever.
⁂ ⁂ ⁂ ⁂ ⁂ ⁂ ⁂ ⁂ ⁂